Where’s the Fire? I feel like you are my roommate (Encore)

//Where’s the Fire? I feel like you are my roommate (Encore)

This is an Encore Presentation, this podcast originally aired in January of 2018. 

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. We’re so happy that you’re here with us for the show. Today Stuart is discussing an all too common scenario for couples: When two people in a committed relationship end up living like roommates instead of lovers.  Listen in while Stuart addresses this familiar problem.

Stuart often talks about the significance of 6 years. That’s the average amount of time that couples live with their problems before they seek help from a relationship counselor. Those 6 years can be a time of strife and conflict; or it can be a time of reducing your relationship to living as roommates. This is a terrible feeling either way. Feeling alone is so painful.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

  • The best partners make the relationship a top priority in their lives  7:35
  • Respect and consideration (sensitivity) for your partner’s feelings is more important that getting your way or winning an argument  8:39
  • Do you spend your time effort and energy on your relationship? What about romance and emotional connection? 11:58
  • The best partners let small issues go. Do you hold onto resentments and keep score? 14:24
  • What would conflict look like for you and your partner? 16:22
  • Why controlling your emotions is needed instead of getting angry, bringing up the past, threatening to divorce, or escalating an issue 18:24
  • Why you need to be a good listener. Are you hearing what your partner is trying to tell you ? 25:09
  • A good partner shares in and is supportive of what their partner is interested in 28:57
  • A good partner is affectionate and makes sure their partner’s needs for touch and sexuality are taken care of 31:00

If you’re living separate lives, you aren’t working on your relationship. In order to keep the passion and the love alive, you must make your relationship the priority. Spend time together, have adventures and make memories.  It’s all about the connection and keeping that passion for your life together.  Keeping that emotional connection is the only way to keep your relationship from deteriorating into roommate status.

We cannot assume our partner knows how important they are to us. We have to never take them for granted, and to always let them know that they are the most important person in life to us. Invest your time and care into your relationship. Surprise your partner, send them gifts, show them that you’re thinking of them. Court them, keep the romance alive. In order to avoid the roommate feeling you have to keep the passion alive.

Take your partner and get away a couple of times a year. Date nights once a month, or more often as possible. These things are crucial to avoiding the roommate issue. It doesn’t matter how busy you are, you can find the time if it’s important to you. Don’t make excuses, don’t cop out. This is important. Treat your relationship with the care and concern it deserves. Be kind and sweet to one another and keep your emotional connection strong. It takes commitment on both your parts. It’s not always easy, but it’s so worth it.

Sponsored by Stuarts daily notes: If you could improve your relationship in just 5 minutes a day, would you? I think you would. Stuart is offering his Stuart’s Daily Notes to subscribers to give you real tips and sound advice on being the best partners you can be. Learn more and subscribe here:  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe: You can subscribe to The Couples Expert Podcast on iTunes. Stuart would love it if you’d write a review or suggest a future topic. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

The Couples Expert Wants To Hear From You!

Email: You can email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com and tell him about your relationship, ask questions or suggest a guest or future topic for the show. Stuart reads and responds to each and every email.

Thank you so much for spending part of your day with Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. We hope today’s show has been helpful and meaningful to you. Until next time, stay positive, and stay connected.


About the Author:

Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW helps couples to overcome the disconnection in their relationships. As an author, blogger and podcaster, Stuart has helped couples around the world to experience a unique relationship in which they can feel special and important, confident in knowing they are loved deeply and that their presence matters. The Couples Expert Podcast consists of weekly provocative conversations offering the perspectives and insight of experts from a variety of relationship related fields. Stuart also offers daily relationship video tips on The Couples Expert YouTube channel and by subscription in Stuart's Daily Notes. Stuart is happily married and a devoted father of 2 daughters. His office practice serves the greater Phoenix, Arizona area including the cities of Scottsdale, Chandler, Tempe, and Mesa.