This is an Encore Presentation, this podcast originally aired in May of 2018. 

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This week on the show, Stuart is going to discuss the pain and consequences of financial infidelity. This kind of relationship injury has an incredible impact on a couple. Listen as Stuart talks about how financial infidelity can break your relationship, and how to repair it.

Spending money is harder for some people than for others. Luxury spending can get very expensive. Stuart just had to replace a part on his home A/C unit, and he hated to spend the money ( he says he can be cheap), but needed to get that air conditioning up and running for the Arizona summer heat! The savings on the power bill was worth the cost of the service call for the repair.

Money can be a difficult thing for couples to talk about. So to avoid the conflict, many couples just don’t divulge the money they’re spending. This is where financial infidelity can begin. This is a relationship injury that isn’t widely discussed. Stuart will define this for you and probe a little deeper into the subject.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

  • Financial infidelity is a major trust violation 8:16
  • Lies bring up questions about the security of the relationship 10:45
  • You both need to decide on money matters that affect your lives 13:31
  • If you’ve spent money and lied, it’s time to come clean 17:40
  • You should review your financial condition together regularly 21:24
  • You need to secure the future of your family 24:46
  • Moving beyond the trust violation 27:06

Make time and make memories when you’re together. Make your relationship important and have some loving date nights when you’re together. When you’re together make sure that you focus on the love you share, and not on the negative aspects of being frequently apart. It’s equally as hard on both of you and it’s a consequence of the choice you’ve both made to live this lifestyle for the time being.  Concentrate on connecting emotionally in a loving way when you are together and make it all about quality not quantity of the time you have together.

If your relationship has suffered a trust violation due to financial infidelity, Stuart recommends the following:

Come clean. No punishment. You can’t go back, only move forward. Talk it through and agree to start over with a clean slate and get together on all of your financial issues.

Get rid of separate bank accounts. Get joint accounts and go over the monthly statements together.

Resolve to have honest conversations, give and receive sincere apologies and move forward in the spirit of togetherness and honesty.

You didn’t set out to hurt each other, you have to work on the emotional pieces of your relationship at the same time that you repair your finances.

You are going to have a long road back to recover both emotionally and financially. It might take years, so you have to be prepared to do that work on the repair the relationship and on the finances.This can mean making a budget and monitoring it monthly. Get help from a financial expert and from a couples expert.  Let love be the guiding force in rebuilding the trust and security both financially and emotionally.

Sponsored by:Before You Tie The Knot –  12 Essential Conversations to have before you marry.  This online course is recommended for anyone who is getting married.

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Thank you so much for spending part of your day with Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. We hope today’s show has been helpful and meaningful to you. Until next time, stay positive, and stay connected.