Courtship is a wonderful thing. This list of ten ways to start a relationship with someone you’re attracted to can be considered suggestions and the order is not set in stone. Numbers 1 and 10 however, should definitely be first and last. Far too many people start with dating and romance, when friendship should always be the first step when you’re wanting to find a long term partner. There are always exceptions to every case, but your relationship has a far better chance of success if you heed this advice. 

  1. Make a Friend

With courtship you must start as friends. Don’t come on too strong. When you meet someone, don’t project any expectations about romance or sex on them. See if you even like each other first. They may have habits or opinions and beliefs that could be a deal breaker for you. You can’t assume anything. Simply approach them openly about wanting to become acquainted.

2. Get to Know Them

Spend a lot of time talking. Ask probing questions, learn about what makes them tick. Pick their brains and find out what’s behind the face and body you’re attracted to. A beautiful face doesn’t always mean a beautiful person inside. Getting to know them for who they truly are. Everyone puts on a nice face when they meet someone, dig down to find what’s beneath that exterior and see if it’s someone you really connect with. Courtship is about getting to know someone authentically

3. Show Your True Colors

By the same token, show yourself to this person. Be honest, authentic. Don’t try to impress them; rather be true to yourself and truthful about who you are and what you’re looking for in a partner, and in life. Your journey may not be appealing to this person, and it’s best to find out in the begin-ning if they are someone who would be willing toshare in and support you in what you want from life. Be uncompromising in your authenticity. This will definitely be what determines if you want to go further in your friendship.

4. Make a Date 

Start out neutral with your courtship, with some get togethers over coffee or lunch. Take a walk, a hike or go to a movie or sporting event. No pressure to be romantic, just more getting to know each other and sharing some experiences together. If you feel at ease with this person, relaxed and happy to be with them, that’s great. If you feel awkward, or tense and nervous around them, you may not want to continue to see them. If they are pushy or intense or want to get close too soon, that can be a warning sign of a per-son that you might not want to be with. It shouldn’t be hard work to get to know someone. 

5. Find Your Common Ground 

In spending time together you learn what you have in common with each other. If you enjoy the same movies, music, have a shared sense of humor or a similar world view that’s wonderful.  You’ll have a ot to talk about. This phase of a new relationship is a discovery process that will help you to know if you want to get closer to this person. Do you feel like you’re really connecting?

6. Celebrate Your Differences 

It’s not necessary for you both to like the same thing , but some common ground should be there. With courtship you and your new friend can celebrate your differ-ence and if you’re both open to it, you can share new adventures and new ideas with each other and other both broaden your horizon

7. Make Some Romance 

If you’re attracted to this person, can’t stop think-ing about them and want to hear their voice all the time, be next to them as much as possible and you’re feeling a burning desire to go to the next step, it’s time to get romantic. Courtship is about acting on the positivity you feel toward someone and allowing yourself to vulnerably feel what you are feeling. Show your heart to this person and let them know you’re feelings.  Youcan step up your interactions by doing more “cou-ples” types of activities on your dates, and getting physically closer. When you decide the time is right,you can share your passion and become intimate.Notice that this step is much farther down the list that you might expect.  There’s no timetable foryour first sexual encounter, and steps 1-6 can hap-pen quickly with the right person.

8 Make Them Yours 

Again, we’re not on a time table. Courtship takes time. As you become closer and more connected, you may each decide to make it a committed relationship. When you reach that level of commitment, there’s still more to discover. Talk about everything. Talk about your expectations for the future, your career goals, fam-ily planning, financial goals and more. Everything should be discussed to avoid misunderstandings in the future. Is monogamy part of this equation, or is there an expectation that polyamory is going to be an aspect of your relationship? Commitment is a huge step and you never want to take it lightly. 

9. Make Their Heart Race 

The period of time after you start having sex is an-other level of discovery where emotions run high.New love is exciting and passionate and filled with change. This is where you seal the deal! Now youlearn how your new partner treats their lover asopposed to their friends, and you learn what eachof you needs to be in a close and connected rela-tionship. Learning to meet each other’s attachmentneeds so that you both feel loved and important toeach other.

10. Continue to Court Them

Once you’re in a committed relationship there is freedom, fun and adventure ahead. Courtship should never end. You should remember however, that these relationships don’t thrive when only one partner is contributing. So you each need to court one another continually, flirt, make love, keep the romance alive and make your partner the most important person in your life, no matter how long you’ve been together. If this is your great love, you want to keep it alive. That means tending and nurturing the relationship every day for life.


It’s possible that these steps are not in the correct order for you and that’s ok. As long as you take the concepts to heart, and do your best to connect with the object of your desire in a loving and authentic, vulnerable way, and they do the same, you’re in for a wonderful loving and fun adventure together for as long as you keep it going.