Love messages during holidays like Valentine’sDay or Christmas most couples go out of their way to make plans and find the perfect gift to express their love and appreciation for each other. However, I’d like to challenge you and your partner to celebrate your love messages every day, not just during holidays and anniversaries. To help, here are some things you can do to ignite the love engine in your relationship. In life as in relationships we can always grow and evolve. We can learn to be better people and better partners. Here are suggestions for you to implement right now that will make you not only a better person, but a better partner.
- Pay attention:
Notice how your partner acts or sounds when they’re happy, when things are going well and when they’re not so that you can be in tune with their moods and be able to know if something is wrong or bothering them. Instead of listening to your partner with the intent to reply, love messages are about listening to understand. Give your partner the respect of your undivided attention. You might be surprised what you find out about your partner if you really listen. Notice what they like. You might even bring home their favorite meal.This is especially meaningful if your partner is typically the one that prepares the meals in your home. Treat him/her to a meal they love whileiving them the night off from cooking. They’ll love the taste of that!
2. LISTEN
Listen with the intention to understand,not to respond. Don’t think you always have to fix things, or have a solution. Sometimes, all that is needed for a love message to hit home is a kind heart and listening ear. Be somebody your partner can trust with their deepest fears and fondest dreams.
3. Be Appreciative
Give a pat on the back and frequent thanks for all the big and small things your partner does to make your life better. No one wants to be taken for granted, and you risk losing your partner’s investment in the relationship if you fail to notice their contribution.
4. Make your partner your priority:
It’s not always about you. The best love message is to demonstrate that you are thinking about ways to make your partner feel loved and important; and chances are, they’ll do the same for you. You must spend time on making your relationship the focus of your time and attention.
Some people thrive on stress, drama and conflict. There are others who avoid it at all cost. Confrontation is hard, stressful and sometimes necessary. In order for us to be emotionally connected and authentic in our love relationships we have to tackle every subject that comes up. No matter if the conversation is easy or difficult, the list that follows is a great guideline for you to talk about the hard stuff and still be in love with each other at the end of the conversation.
- Get Vulnerable
This is a must to have an emotionally close relation-ship. True communication can only happen whenyou are emotionally vulnerable. Those walls thatyou keep to protect yourself must come down andyou have to show your true self to your partner inorder for you to get to the heart of the matter.
- Take Responsibility
You each have to be able to admit mistakes and faults and take responsibility for your role in theissue. In order to have a close and connected relationship, you each have equal responsibility to handle the challenges you face as a couple. These conversations are hard, but if you will stand up and say “I know I am responsible for what is happening because of my actions, words or choices” you then allow your partner to enter the conversation and work together to resolve the issue.
- .Look Inward
Realize that each of you is an individual with yourown thoughts and opinions. The challenges you are facing have origins and consequences for you both.You need to look at yourself truthfully and ask whatyour stake is in this discussion. How can you act andspeak in order to allow an emotionally vulnerableconversation to happen? What is it that you cando to help make this conversation easier for yourpartner?
- No Blaming
Sometimes the hard discussions that we have are about mistakes or poor choices we have made thataffected the relationship. You need to be able to lis-ten and internalize what your partner is telling youwith going on the defensive and turning it aroundto find fault with them personally. Your partner hasto trust that you are going to allow them to be emo-tionally vulnerable in a place of safety and withoutjudgment.
- Apologize
If you’re taking the responsibility, you’re also taking on the consequence for that. A sincere apology is needed when your partner has suffered some kind of emotional pain or relationship injury. Mere words are not enough, though they’re a good place to start. The best apology is changing your behavior and making sure you don’t repeat the mistakes that have caused the issue. That is one of the best love messages you can give your partner knowing that you care enough to apologize. This takes becoming emotionally vulnerable to your partner and showing them you never want to hurt them.
- Forgive
Forgiveness is sometimes the most challenging aspect of having difficult conversations. In order to heal and move forward and to stay in a healthy place with your partner you have to be willing to orgive them. First for bringing up the hard subject, second for their responsibility in creating an issue or problem, and third, forgive yourself for your art in the problem, your feelings of anger and/or resentment. Forgive each other regularly and stay
Stick to these guidelines in having deep, emotionally vulnerable conversations with your partner and you will not only be sorting out your most challenging issues in a way that you both end up feeling loved and important but strengthening your bond of connection even more. Some other areas to focus on along with your love messages is demonstrating your commitment in the following ways if you want to maintain the closeness most of us crave.
- Be on time:
Reliability is important. Tardiness shows a lack of respect for your partner’s time. Be someone they can count on to do as you say. Better yet, show up a little early and really impress your partner. Some organizational skills and planning are needed to be consistently prompt. This can be learned.
- Be available:
Whether you live together or are dating, it’s important that you make yourself available to your partner. Not that you have to drop everything at the spur of the moment, but make time to spend together regularly to be a couple and work on your relationship.When your partner needs you, do your utmost to be there for them.
- Plan a special date
Do this at least once per month. If you have children hire a babysitter for the evening and plan something fun. Pay attention to your partner for clues on things they would enjoy doing and surprisethem. This doesn’t have to be expensive,but it’s okay to splurge every once in a while.
- Surprise him/her with a gift
Gifts out of season and for no apparent reason are a reat way to send a message to your partner that you love them, appreciate them, and they are on your mind.
- Tell your partner how you feel
Leave a note, send a text, or a quick email. Even a simple voicemail will do. Make your messages sweet and flirty, and remind your partner that you’re happy they are coming home to you. A sincerely given compliment is a great way to express love. Be specific and authentic and you can really make your partners day.
- Do something impressive
You know that thing that your partner is always complaining about, or they may have mentioned it once, twice, or a few times? Maybe you don’t put your clothes in the hamper and instead toss them on the floor, or maybe you don’t replace the roll of tissue in the bathroom when it runs out. Pick one or two things and adjust your behavior to the behavior your partner would like to see. This should be rewarding for the two of you.
