//183 – Sexual Communication – Inside and Outside of the Bedroom

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 183 of our show. Today Stuart is talking about sexual communication inside and outside of the bedroom. This episode is for couples in a long-term committed relationship, you are there for the long-haul.  This is one of the more difficult discussion for a couple to have, and Stuart will help to make it easier.

Today’s podcast contains adult material, so please use discretion when listening or use your headphones!

Stuart and his wife are currently on vacation in New York city. They are visiting family, enjoy the culture and people watch, as well as visit the 9/11 museum. This is a time they they spend connecting and spending time together without the distractions.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

  • Stop expecting your partner to read your mind [4:10]
  • Your job is to keep your partner interested [6:30]
  • When you want to talk about your sex life, don’t do it when you want to engage in sex [9:10]
  • Give your suggestions both verbally and non-verbally [10:45]
  • Talk about your experience [14:00]
  • Playfulness [15:30]
  • What turns you on? [19:20]
  • Communicate your needs [22:30]
  • Most men are not interested in having quick sex [23:30]
  • No need to fake an orgasm [24:45]
  • Steps to have a conversation about sex [26:30]


When you are ready to have a discussion with your partner about your sex life use these steps:

  1. Tell your partner how much you care about them.
  2. Give them a clear message about what is not working for you. Choose only one area to discuss at this time.
  3. Follow up with something positive. Talk about what works really well in your sex life.
  4. Suggest that you have the conversation again in the future.
  5. Talk about how much you love being intimate with them.

Do not discuss how it went with other partners. This is only about what works for the two of you. You want to discuss this in kind and loving ways. You want to show and tell your partner what you need, to bring the two of you to a pleasurable place. Really make sure your partner knows that who they are is more important than anything else, and that you are lucky to have them in your life. The two of you can accomplish anything as long as you do it together.

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: – Presented by The Couples Expert. 2 Days and 7 Conversations that can change your life.

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Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at

Until next week, keep working, keep soul-searching and stay connected!

This podcast was inspired in part by:
Conscious Man, by John Grey and Arjuna Ardagh
Jill Donato’s article on Communicating During Sex to Make it Better for Everyone

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