LESS SEX IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

In a long-term relationship there sometimes comes a point where you find yourselves having less sex than earlier on in your lives together. This can be for a variety of causes; physical changes as you age, libido changes due to medications or menopause or time constraints that simply don’t allow you the freedom to be together sexually as often. Perhaps this is a temporary change, or maybe it’s a permanent one. If so, this change in your physical relationship is going to cause you to take a good long look at the quality of your lives together and reevaluate your commitment. What is the depth of your commitment to your partner? Is it a superficial attachment that depends on sexual fulfillment; or is it a deep and lasting commitment to go through whatever life brings the two of you, to take whatever comes your way and stand together? 

Sex is an essential ingredient in a relationship, but it’s not the most important thing. The fact is, that over time and as we age, our physical and sexual needs change. You cannot compare your relationship to anyone else. If you do, you will be disappointed. When you realize your sex life is changing, there’s a tendency to fight against it; especially if the physical connection with your partner has been very good and very satisfying in the past. If you’ve identified yourself as being virile and sexually driven, having less sex can feel very negative. This is where you have to adjust your thoughts on the subject and take a more mature view of your long term love affair with your partner. If you have a deep, vulnerable authentic relationship it can carry you through any challenge. This is just part of life as we age… you’re going to cut back on the frequency with which you connect sexually.  

Try to look at this as just part of life, this is where your emotional commitment and affection and humor come into it. This is going to carry you through the disappointment that comes up with these changes in your sex life. It can be manageable even extremely satisfying but on a deeper plane. A more mature view of sexuality and relationships is needed.  

When you have someone who is truly there for you, this will allow you to deal with any challenges that might occur. Love is about togetherness, being with someone who truly sees you. That the emotional turn on and the excitement is mental and emotional when your body just doesn’t cooperate with your emotional and mental desires.  

Two of you are not going to always be in the same place in your sexual appetites, you need to discuss this. Open communication and dialogue is crucial to both of you being satisfied in your emotional and sexual interactions. It’s the quality of the sexual interaction that happens between you. That is most important aspect in later life. Satisfying each other deeply in all ways is what you should be striving for. You won’t need to have the frequency it can just be as satisfying to be together less often if you’re stimulating each other mentally emotionally and spiritually and touching each other deeply in all ways. 

Less sex doesn’t mean less love. Touching, hugging, kissing and cuddling should increase and frequent displays of affection will help you both to keep that physical connection strong. You’ve loved each other’s bodies all this time, that part doesn’t have to change. Your sexual encounters while less frequent, can be erotic and exciting for both you when they do happen if you resolve to keep your love alive together. Remember that our biggest sex organ is our brain and no matter what our bodies are doing, we can continue to turn each other on with how we think, act and feel about each other. Don’t let one single day go by without sharing that your life together is the biggest orgasmic experience of all! 

Subscribe to My YouTube Channel

Ask Me a Question

If you have a question, comment, thought, or concern, feel free to comment below. We’d love to hear from you!

Facebook Comments

2018-09-04T18:39:54+00:00

About the Author:

mm
Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW helps couples to overcome the disconnection in their relationships As an author, blogger and podcaster, Stuart has helped couples around the world to experience a unique relationship in which they can feel special and important, confident in knowing they are loved deeply and that their presence matters. His weekend workshop, Two Days: Seven Conversations has become a popular venue for many to set off on their journey of connectedness. The Couples Expert Podcast consists of weekly provocative conversations offering the perspectives and insight of experts from a variety of relationship related fields. Stuart also offers daily relationship video tips on The Couples Expert YouTube channeland by subscription in Stuart’s Daily Notes. Stuart is happily married and a devoted father of 2 daughters. He lives and works in Scottsdale, Arizona.