//Secrets and Lies – Is There a Way Back?

This is an Encore Presentation, this podcast originally aired in May of 2015 so please ignore the contest and the Mother’s Day greetings.  

Hello and welcome to this encore presentation of The Couples Expert Podcast with your host , Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. Listen in as Stuart talks about emotional affairs and the impact of these on your love relationship.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

  • Emotional infidelity can be a bigger violation than having sex with another person outside your relationship   5:18
  • Definition of an emotional affair 12:04
  • When Harry Met Sally “Just going to be friends” 15:05
  • We all crave an emotional connection 16:43
  • When you click with someone who’s not your partner 18:15
  • There are boundaries at work when you’re married  25:13
  • How we stop the affair and what comes next 31:25
  • There are consequences for breaking your vows 33:25

The affair has to stop, no question. You have to break off contact with that person. You can no longer spend time with them outside of a professional relationship. Understand that your partner is going to be angry and hurt and show empathy for how they’re feeling. You have to communicate with your partner about the tough issues. You both have to bare your souls to one another and show your partner what you need to feel secure and safe in the relationship once again. Whatever emotional needs were being satisfied by your affair have to be discussed and you both have to work towards meeting those needs for each other within the context of your relationship.

Don’t ask about sexual contact between your partner and that person. Your partner has been calling this an emotional relationship, not a sexual one, so you have to believe that is the truth.

Put a time limit on the amount of discussion you have about the affair. Avoid talking about it when you’re overtired and upset. Things may be said that you’ll regret. It’s hard to forgive and nearly impossible to forget. There’s work to be done on the part of both parties: hard work, unpleasant work, but if you both understand that what you’re working for is the future of your relationship and the emotional connection that was missing, you’ll work harder than you’ve ever done before.

There’s a guide to a true apology available to listeners.

Thank you for choosing to spend part of your day with The Couples Expert. Stay tuned for another encore presentation of our podcast next week. Until then, stay connected!

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