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Hi, welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast. This is episode 157 of our show. Thanks for joining us. Listen today as Stuart talks about the challenges that couples face when there’s a large age difference between them. Love happens when we least expect it and sometimes you fall in love with someone who is much older or younger than you are. Love happens!

Stuart tells about a couple who contacted him after he had stopped seeing in counseling. They reached out to him to ask him to officiate in their wedding ceremony. Stuart is an ordained minister in addition to being an LCSW and was honored to receive this request. The couple had struggled with commitment issues and had stopped coming to counseling and he was so gratified and happy to hear that they were now engaged to be married. That’s some great feedback for a couple’s counselor! It means that the couple has taken what they learned in counseling kept working on it, and applied it to the real world situations of their relationship so successfully that now they want to make their union official!

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

  • We love whom we love, they don’t always meet our expectations 6:57

  • Sometimes there might be one or two generations between partners 9:23

  • Social norms about marriage have changed in the past decades 10:22

  • What couples with an age gap have to contend with in the present and future 11:07

  • You need to share things as a couple and what do you have in common to share? 15:15

  • There’s a risk that the relationship takes on a parental tone when one is much younger 17:00

  • Some of the ways to cope with this gap are through openness, acceptance and strong communications regarding issues of your differences; and finding your commonalities.  17:34

[spp-tweet tweet=”Age alone is not a measure of maturity“]

You have to discuss everything that has to do with the future. The length of time you’ll be together and plan for healthcare, end of life care, financial issues, family and children. Avoid the excuse and pitfall of attributing all your troubles to the age difference. It’s simply stuff that couples all have to deal with so you can’t blame it on age.

What’s important is to find that one person in the world for you and if they happen to be much older or younger, so be it. You’ll have some hurdles and obstacles that other couples might not, but if you’re fortunate enough to have that great love , isn’t it worth it? I think it is!

Until next time, remember, age is just a number; it’s the person who matters. Stay Connected!

The Couples Expert podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes is relationship mentoring via email. 5 minutes a day can improve your connection. Subscribe here: https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Email Stuart: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

6 Ways to Love More

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Next Week on The Couples Expert Podcast

Stuart’s guest will be Amy Lyle. Her Book of Failures is a funny and relatable read. Listen as they talk about relationship fails. It’s going to be a fun show. We hope you’ll join us.

Explore Additional Points

We don’t call them May/December romances anymore. In today’s society, a large age difference between two people in love doesn’t seem as much of an issue as it once did.

In the age of gender fluidity, acceptance of same sex unions, interracial love and all the combinations and ways that people find and fall in love,  age difference is really no big deal.

I always say that we love whom we love. You may have an expectation that you will fall in love with a certain type of person, that looks a certain way (a type) , has a level of education and intelligence that matches yours, is politically and socially matched with you; someone that moves in the same social realm that you do and has interests in common with you. Then, out of the blue you meet someone that doesn’t fit into your expectations at all, and Bam! You fall in love with them. It’s not something that you can control, love is funny that way. You see them, speak to them and somehow they get inside your head and your heart and it’s all over. It doesn’t matter their age difference at this point. Age is just a number, right?

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My favorite part of doing these podcasts is participating in the conversations they provoke. Each week I present one question, and this week, here is our focus: Question: What is an area in your life that has been impacted by your relationship with your partner?

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