The grass is always greener is an old adage meaning that its greener on the other side of the fence its a recognition that we seem to always want what we do not have. In the context of love relationships it’s a metaphor for longing for, or lusting after someone we don’t have.
It’s easy to see other people’s lives and think they have it so much better than you do. A better house, better car, better spouse. Of course everyone puts on their best in public and we really never know what goes on behind closed doors. We only see the superficial, and can’t know who someone truly is until we know them intimately. Is the grass greener perhaps they think the same of you.
Let’s face it, routines can become boring, and if you and your partner are living the same routine, day in and day out, it might feel like this life, this routine, is all that your marriage will ever be. You go to work, take the children to their sport practice and dental appointments. You feel like you will do nothing else but eat chicken on Monday, pork chops on Thursday, have intercourse Tuesdays and Saturdays, ad infinitum. Your partner, the person who once set your blood on fire and made you burn, is now simply part of the routine. You feel warm and loving towards them, but the fire just isn’t there for them anymore. It’s not that there’s really anything wrong, it’s just not exciting, or fresh.
The day comes when you start to wonder if there isn’t something better out there for you. The grass is greener perhaps you meet someone who sparks your interest, and the thought of them makes your pulse race. There’s a secret thrill you get when you see them that you haven’t felt in a very long time. They seem to like you as well, and you wonder what it would be like to spend time alone with them, to be with them. The thoughts consume your waking life and you begin to fantasize about what life with this person might be like. You start to think that the grass is greener where this person resides, and greener pastures might be where you belong. Before you make a choice to cross that boundary, to go over the fence of monogamy to the other side, do yourself a favor: stand at the gate and wait. This is where you need to put the brakes on and reconsider the consequences of a decision of this magnitude. 
This is a decision that has the potential of impacting, not just you, but everyone in your life. You may not think that it will have meaning, perhaps it’s going to be “just a fling,” or you plan to embroil yourself in an emotional affair without a sexual relationship. You’re mistaken if you think that would not be cheating because sex is not involved. If you’re spending intimate time with someone other than your partner, sharing yourself, your deepest thoughts and emotion with them, even if you are not having a sexual relationship, you ARE having a relationship. It’s an affair. If you do have sex for the sake of it, without emotional ties, it’s an affair. Not to mention if you do develop loving feelings for this person. What then?
You need to realize that breaking a marriage vow is a devastating blow to your partner, to your family and to your beautifully settled life. All the many broken promises will turn you into a villain in your partner’s eyes, and you will eventually have to face your children and tell them that you were unfaithful and willingly hurt their mother or father. Breaking up a family is no small thing, and the scars of the children can last for the entirety of their lives. You can do lasting damage to a lot of people, and for what? Is the grass really greener, or are you just trading one uncomfortable situation for another? The truth is, we all come with our baggage and issues, and changing partners for something fresh and exciting isn’t going to fix your problems. On the contrary, it’s likely to create more. The person that you found so enticing that you were willing to consider cheating on your partner with isn’t perfect. They may be a worse choice than staying in your routine with your current spouse who has done nothing to deserve such betrayal. Is the grass really greener perhaps but perhaps not.
The truth of that old adage that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, is that, in truth, the grass is greener where it is tended, loved and nurtured. The answer to your wish for an exciting partner is to tend your own garden. To love someone completely, just as they are with all their imperfections is the truest way to love them. Perhaps it’s time to do some gardening in your own relationship.
Change up your routine and learn to appreciate and be excited by your partner in a whole new way. Your partner is not the same person that you fell in love with, they’ve changed over time and grown into someone else who you would do well to get to know, and they you. Become acquainted with the person they are today and get excited about the changes. Be romantic, be creative, and show your partner that you’re tired of the sameness and want to put the fire back into your relationship. Show up for your partner and let them know that you see them, that you really are making an effort to appreciate them for the loving and wonderful person, parent, spouse that they are.
It’s the small things that turn into the big things. Begin to do those nurturing and loving gestures that your partner will think so out of character for you that you will seem like a new person to them as well. The two of you can discover each other in a new way, and throw out that old routine when it comes to your personal interactions, and your sexual relationship. Try new things, spark conversations and romance. Nurture and tend your garden, and the grass will surely flourish and be the greenest where you and your love are.
