The Importance of Forgiveness and Relationship Compromise
Relationship compromise and forgiveness is very important in the context of a love relationship cannot be underestimated. In this article we’ll look at the conditions and benefits of forgiveness, and the importance of the ability to compromise.
Forgiveness
The capacity for relationship compromise and forgiveness may not come readily to you, but it can and should be cultivated in your life. It will make all the difference in your love relationship, your friendships, and even in your relationship with your children.
We all want to feel validated, we like to be right, we love to win, to come out on top. That puts the other person in the conflict (your partner, in this case), in a place of being wrong, on the losing side and at fault. When we perpetuate that dynamic without forgiveness we build a list of transgressions. This causes you to see your partner with all of these negatives attached to them.
Contrary to what you may believe, forgiveness is not for the person in the wrong. It’s for you. The weight of carrying grudges is extra baggage that can only drag you down. Forgiving your partner allows you to breathe more freely and to feel lighter. When you forgive them, they know you’re no longer holding that grudge, and it takes considerable strain off of your relationship.
Harboring grudges causes resentment and anger to have a place in your relationship as well. The result of harboring resentment and anger is that it can be used as ammunition against each other when disagreements happen, and it makes stressful times even harder. Living with someone who keeps score and is always bringing up the past to punish you over and over again, removes feelings of safety and security in the relationship. This is not a happy way to live.
Some will say, “I forgive but don’t forget.” That’s okay. Taking the step to forgive your partner, even if you remember the incident and what caused it can help you to recognize unhealthy patterns such as emotional manipulation and even emotional abuse. No one should be using past transgressions to get what they want in the present, or to keep their partner feeling like they are not worthy, or to manipulate them in any way. So as long as your conscience is clear, and you know you’ve truly forgiven them, neither of you will bring it up again or use it as a weapon against each other.
What forgiveness can accomplish is to unburden your heart, and your relationship of negative thoughts and feelings attached to the past. It allows you to see the good in each other, and to know that you are being as loving as you can possibly be to your partner, not keeping score or holding grudges and resentments against them. This builds trust, and feelings of safety and security between you. When your relationship is free of those burdens, you both are happier, more loving, and stronger together.
The problem with rigidity is that issues that come up in the course of relationships rarely get resolved. What tends to happen is either both sides end up in a stalemate, with neither party being willing to give in. The matter is either put on the back burner unresolved, or the two people in conflict agree to disagree, but the problem remains. One party usually has to cede their point, and they may feel that they never will be heard or understood. The worst case scenario is that in meeting such rigid opposition, they either give in or give up.
Having to do this too many times, one partner may decide not to continue in the relationship because they don’t feel that they’re being respected or heard. If one hears, “It’s my way or the highway” over and over again, they may simmer with resentment, feeling undeserving or unworthy. Then, when they reach a breaking point, they may actually choose “the highway.”
The case for relationship compromise is strong. Flexibility in relationships and in life go a long way towards internal happiness and successful relationships. If you have the ability to compromise you are able to problem-solve, to plan and to recover quickly when things don’t go as expected. The skill of negotiating compromises gives your partner hope that any issue or disagreement can be worked out in a way that satisfies both partners.
That is not to say that you should compromise your core values and beliefs. Not at all. Set healthy boundaries in your relationships, let your partner know what you need and listen to what they need. When problems and situations arise, as they will in life, do your utmost to negotiate compromises that benefit and satisfy you both and still keep your integrity and core values intact.
Look at the big picture when you come up against questions of forgiveness and relationship compromise. We can get so caught up in the issue at hand, that we lose sight of what’s important. In the grand scheme of things, will it be a good or a bad thing to compromise? How important is serenity and harmony in your home? Is it worth giving up your pride, or the need to be right to forgive your partner and restore peace to your relationship? I think the answer is usually yes.
When it comes to repeat offenders, there are warning signs to look for. You never want to overlook emotional abuse or manipulation. True forgiveness means you don’t keep score. If it feels like you are always the one giving in, or compromising to please your partner, to your detriment; or having to forgive the same transgressions repeatedly, take a step back and take a harder look at your relationship. The best apology is changed behavior, and if you’re not seeing that, it can be a red flag warning that something deeper is going on that needs to be addressed in therapy.
When you have a love relationship with a partner, there’s more than just your wants and needs to be considered. We can be so focused on our own wants and needs that we can lose sight of meeting our partner’s. Beware of selfish and thoughtless behavior that always has you at the center. This is where rigid ideas and lack of relationship compromise are an impediment.
It’s important that as you consider becoming involved with a potential life partner that you understand that it’s just not all about you. Forgiveness and compromise will play an important role in building your bond of trust with your loved one.
Your partner is your equal in the relationship and their wants and needs are as important as your own. If you recognize this and are willing to adapt to learning how to speak their love language, to meet their changing needs, to the extent of being selfless and generous, you are on your way to forming lasting a love connection where both of you feel important, listened to, and loved.
