Relationship communication is one of the biggest issues that couples seek help for. It seems that when one partner wants to communicate, the other feels distant, or unwilling. It’s not a personality flaw that causes difficulty with relationship communication, it’s a lack of understanding on how to communicate. is something that is assumed people just know how to do, and that’s clearly not the case.

If you grew up in a family that were not great communicators, it’s entirely possible that you may be lacking in theneeded to be effective in this very important area of your relationship. Assuming that your partner will simply know what you’re thinking and what you need is the worst idea in relationship communication. They can’t read your mind, and if you lack the skills to properly communicate to your partner, you will have a tough road ahead.

True relationship communication is an exchange of ideas with respect for the other person’s feelings. Too often, we listen to our partners only until we can formulate a response. We listen to reply, to decide, to advise. This is not communication, it’s reaction. If we form an opinion or response based on only part of the story, we risk getting it wrong. Do not interrupt your partner when they are sharing its your turn to be the listener.

If you only talk to (or at) your partner in a one-way conversation, you may think you’re communicating, but you’re merely dumping information on your partner without the all-important feedback component. This is not communication, it’s broadcasting. To the recipient, it can feel disrespectful and as if you are discounting their feelings. That they don’t matter or deserve your time or respect.

The good news is that good relationship communication skills can be cultivated and developed. Working on these skills can only benefit your love relationship and help with personal growth overall. Learn to listen, to attend to the speaker with respect, and they will do the same for you. Take these suggestions to heart and strengthen your communication skills, it’s a win-win.

When it comes to strengthening communication with your partner there are several basic things you can do that accomplish this:

Turn off distractions. When your partner comes to you and says they want to talk to you, give them your full attention. Stop what you’re doing, put your phone down, mute the TV and give your partner the respect they deserve.

Listen with intention. Not to reply, but to understand the meaning behind what’s being said. Participate in the conversation by actively listening. This means making eye contact, being aware of body language, and acknowledging what has been said by nodding of head, verbal encouragement, such as saying you understand, asking pointed questions to encourage the speaker and respectfully listening until they have finished speaking.

Don’t over-talk and don’t change the subject. Don’t shut the speaker down or blow them off, discounting what they say as if it’s not important to you. Maybe it’s not, but if it’s important enough for your partner to share it with you, it should be. The issue may not be important, but your partner’s feelings are.

Try to avoid sharing relatable stories that have you at the center. This is about understanding what your partner is trying to convey, not you redirecting or taking over the conversation. One thing that can be helpful is to ask the speaker if they want help or advice. If they say yes, then carefully consider your response. If you are unsure, take a beat to process your answer, but let the speaker know that you’re not ignoring their request. If they say that they just want someone to listen, then you can absolutely do that without judgment, and encourage them to speak their heart.

In order for relationship communication to be effective, the hearer has to be receptive. So if you have something important to talk about, choose your timing wisely. Don’t interrupt your partner in the middle of something they’re doing. It’s okay to make a plan to talk later. It can be helpful to have a “talking spot.” Maybe it’s over coffee in the morning, in bed before sleeping, or over a glass of wine in the evening. Establishing a kind of routine and a place can make you feel more comfortable and ready to share and listen.

Talk about real things that matter. Share your hopes and dreams with your partner. Make it okay to be vulnerable and never hold that against them as a moment of weakness. It’s actually incredibly brave to reach out and bare your soul to someone. The world needs more of this.

Couple drinking coffee

Keep your mind, your heart, and your body language open and receptive. Arms crossed, head and eyes averted give a negative message to the speaker while open body language, eye contact, your body turned towards the speaker invites them in to share.

Talk about everything. There should be nothing off limits, even uncomfortable topics should be addressed, perhaps more urgently than the easy ones. When it gets hard, push through. Be kind and understanding to one another, especially if they are sharing something painful. If the conversation gets emotional, that’s alright. Support and be there for your partner. They have to absolutely be able to trust that you are going to protect their emotions and their feelings.

You have to reassure your partner that you can be trusted with their hopes, dreams, and secrets. This is the basis for strong communication and a relationship built on trust. If the conversation becomes too overwhelming, it’s okay to take a breath and take a step back before continuing, but you should never cut your partner off or minimize the import of what they share with you.

It’s important to realize that not everything is going to be resolved. Sometimes it just needs to be brought out in the open and acknowledged. If there is something bothering you, if you can’t share it with your partner, who can you talk to?

That’s why it’s so important to ask what your partner’s expectations are. If they want advice, do your best to give them good advice. If they don’t, simply allow them to rant, vent, and express what’s on their mind.

It may be difficult to change your way of communicating. Old habits die hard, they say. If you’re willing to take these steps to strengthen relationship communication with your partner, it will go a very long way towards building a stronger bond of trust between you. There’s a special kind of freedom in a relationship where there is honest, open, two -way communication between you. I hope that you will find that with your partner, and other loved ones in your life.