When I see couples, they are usually in crisis mode. They’ve tried everything they can to work out their problems and to help themselves, none of it working, until many of them simply give up and give in. They decide they’ve done all they could and they’re giving up. OR… they realize that there are people like me who help couples in crisis, and they give it one last try. The efforts are definitely with it to create or maintain of love filled with unconditional love.
Unpacking all the emotions, all the feelings, resentments, anger and sadness is difficult and painful for couples. What I do is help them to find a pathway back to a loving connection where love is available to both of them freely and unconditionally. Is it possible to love that way? When you’ve been in the depths of conflict and strife, it’s hard to believe that unconditional love is possible. I urge couples to strive for that unconditional love and to give it constantly to one another.
When you’re in the midst of problems, where communication has broken down and you finally see your way through it, it’s easy to put conditions onto your partner. You do ____ for me, and I’ll do ______for you. It’s more of a tit for tat, than a loving partnership. That is not unconditional love that’s for sure. If you fail, then what happens? If you choose not to hold up your end of the bargain, can there still be loving interaction between you? This is why conditions should be removed. There should be no deals or bargains, only love and kindness, gratitude and respect flowing in both directions between the two of you.
I urge you to remember why you fell in love in the first place. What was it that made your togetherness so magical? What was it about your partner that drew you like a magnet? What changed? I’m confident that if you dig back into your history as a couple, there once was a great love, appreciation, and caring there. Literal unconditional love is not necessary but feeling that love and knowing your partner checks all the boxes that is good enough. I know that if you put in the work, you can find that feeling again.
Connect, communicate with and care for each other as you would your most precious possessions. Nothing is more important right now than the two of you loving each other unconditionally. If you both are willing to let go of all the ‘what if’s, the negative language and hurtful words, I know you can show each other that kind of love again. Unconditional love
Is not something that can be taken back, it is freely given and reciprocated. That is some of the essential ingredients that goes into unconditional love. No matter what is going on in your life, you still love each other more than anything. You each can be confident that the other has your back and you can rely on them to be there for you in good times and bad.
Both of you must be willing to put the past hurts behind you and move forward in a positive way. Putting in the time and the effort needed for each of you to feel loved and cherished, important and prioritized in each other’s lives. If you both will do this, the results will be startling. You can find your way out of a dark and dismal situation into a loving partnership that will stand the test of time. Unity and togetherness along with unconditional love are the stepping stones to a lasting partnership filled with love and happiness.