Relationship Problems due to competition

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Relationship problems due to completion is a common problem in marriages. Competition: Some thrive on it, others not so much. Where is the place of competition in a love relationship? If you are involved with a competitive person it’s important to be aware of the damage it can do to your relationship when friendly competition turns into something more challenging. You should not be competing with your partner in life. It sets the wrong tone in your relationship and puts you on opposing sides. 

I’m not talking about sports or gaming. Friendly competition is fun and challenges us to work hard and perform at a higher level to keep up or best our partners. Relationship problems due to competition  creates difficulties and strife is problematic and creates emotional distance. When you or your partner has to be better, smarter, and right about everything and you have to compete to be heard or listened to, that’s not the kind of relationship that feels loving and kind. Argument for argument sake is unproductive and takes away feelings of closeness and unity and creates enmity and resentment.

The person who is competing is always pushing, wanting to come out on top in any discussion. The partner, for lack of encouragement often shuts down, concedes the point, or simply walks away because they feel it’s a fight they just can’t win. The relationship problems due to completion creates  a lonely life when you don’t feel like you and your partner are on the same side. You begin to lose that feeling of closeness start to feel alone. This is where the rubber meets the road in your relationship and you either get help, learn how to fix the problem or realize that you are alone and your partner is not on your side. 

What is the solution to this issue? Learn to recognize when competition gets out of hand and crosses the line. Sometimes you need to take a step back from a discussion before it turns into a one-up argument and recognize what’s really happening. If you and your partner are beginning to feel competitive instead of unified you can put a stop to it. Get help from a mental health professional who specializes in couples counseling with an attachment-based approach. This is the best way to reunite yourself with your partner so that you know for sure you are on the same side, with the same goals and are both working toward a future where the two of you are together and not opposed. 




About the Author:

Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW helps couples to overcome the disconnection in their relationships. As an author, blogger and podcaster, Stuart has helped couples around the world to experience a unique relationship in which they can feel special and important, confident in knowing they are loved deeply and that their presence matters. The Couples Expert Podcast consists of weekly provocative conversations offering the perspectives and insight of experts from a variety of relationship related fields. Stuart also offers daily relationship video tips on The Couples Expert YouTube channel and by subscription in Stuart's Daily Notes. Stuart is happily married and a devoted father of 2 daughters. His office practice serves the greater Phoenix, Arizona area including the cities of Scottsdale, Chandler, Tempe, and Mesa.