As a couples therapist I want to help all the couples I meet with. We all want a marriage filled with love , fulfillment, passion and satisfaction. In couples therapy we discuss ways to accomplish this. One important way is accountability. Accountability is a word that’s applied to a lot of different subjects. It’s a selling point for businesses and services, but what does it mean in the context of a love relationship?
Accountability in your marriage is one piece of advice I give as a couples therapist . This means that you both are answerable to each other for actions and decisions that you make.
Accountability means taking responsibility, taking ownership, meeting obligations and acting independently in the best interest of you both. As a couples therapist I want you to always consider the consequences of all your choices and actions to your partner and to your relationship.
You have an expectation when you’re in a relationship with someone that they are going to be trustworthy, reliable and honest with you and vice versa. It’s often a deal breaker to find out that your partner is not honest and forthright or accountable. In a love relationship there should not be secrets or information withheld from one another. When you pair up with someone, you have an unspoken agreement that you are sharing all aspects of life with one another and not holding back anything from each other. I always say to show the “good the bad and the ugly” so there are no misconceptions, wrong ideas, or false pretenses between you.
If you have not had this type of relationship or marriage in the past, it is well know to many couples therapists that this might be difficult to be so forthcoming and to be accountable. Couples therapy can help you. Especially if you’ve been single for a long time and as an adult, are used to keeping your own counsel when it comes to choices and decision- making. It’s crucial to the success of your relationship and the bond you’re building with your partner to make a sincere effort to be transparent. It’s really the only way to have a close and connected relationship. This way you both have the security of knowing that your partner has your best interest at heart. Operating on a “we” not “me” level in the choices they make and actions they take is critical.
When you both are operating on this level it gives you so much freedom to be your authentic selves and eliminates the need for you to guard yourself around your partner. When you’ve nothing to hide, you can be accountable to your partner, to yourself and to your relationship. This gives you both a great deal of trust and security that you and your partner are truly in synch and are both working for the good of the relationship.
Accountability in your marriage or relationship will allow you to partner together in a real way that makes you both happier and stronger, knowing that the other has your back in every situation. This gives you confidence in each other and in your future together.