Should I Be Worried?

If you’ve got a partner that feels distant or that you don’t spend a lot of time together; maybe they work a lot, spend a lot of time with friends without you or has friends of the opposite sex what does that say about your relationship? Should you be worried? 

There may be some very good reasons why you and your partner don’t spend a lot of social time together, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. 

Often times, two people have different needs. Your partner may be naturally gregarious, social, and thrive on the energy of others, while you may be a more introverted person who would rather enjoy your own company, stay at home with a good book or a person who needs to rest and recharge at the end of the work week. Understanding this about one another will help you not to worry. 

There’s a middle ground, a compromise that should happen with couples in this situation. Two people in a love relationship need to spend time together. The extrovert needs to be aware that their partner needs that quiet time, help their partner get what they need and be able to nurture their relationship. 

Quiet date nights, low key events and other fun activities can be spent together, while avoiding the social pressure that is uncomfortable for the introvert. When you and your partner are close and connected emotionally and have this understanding of each other’s needs, you can feel fine about your partner spending time away from you.  You needn’t worry about them becoming attached to someone else, or losing touch with you and your relationship because you understand their need for social interaction, and you don’t want to deprive them of it. It’s about compromise in a loving relationship both people should be able to get what they need and about balance shared vs individual time. 

Keep a finger on the pulse of your relationship and check in regularly with each other to see how you’re feeling. Allow each other to share about their separate experiences and make more of your own memories and do more together. Be happy for one another when you come together to spend time on your relationship and strengthen your bond with each other by making your partner’s needs as important as your own. 


About the Author:

Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW helps couples to overcome the disconnection in their relationships. As an author, blogger and podcaster, Stuart has helped couples around the world to experience a unique relationship in which they can feel special and important, confident in knowing they are loved deeply and that their presence matters. The Couples Expert Podcast consists of weekly provocative conversations offering the perspectives and insight of experts from a variety of relationship related fields. Stuart also offers daily relationship video tips on The Couples Expert YouTube channel and by subscription in Stuart's Daily Notes. Stuart is happily married and a devoted father of 2 daughters. His office practice serves the greater Phoenix, Arizona area including the cities of Scottsdale, Chandler, Tempe, and Mesa.