Life can be hectic, chaotic, and unpredictable. That’s why our home should be a place of safety and security. When you and your partner feel safe together, you are able to face just about any curveball that life will throw your way. I’m not talking about physical security, though that is very important as well, but emotional security. The feeling that you are safe with your partner, that they are on your side, have your best interest in mind, and are going to be there for you in your time of need. You can be your true authentic self with your partner without fear of judgement or ridicule and you know that when you’re not around, your partner is who they represent themselves to be at all times. Trustworthy and steadfast, you are each other’s port in a storm, and are always looking out for one another.
Does this bond between you happen automatically, as soon as you fall in love? Not by a long shot. We’d like to think that you would just be this person for each other, but often it takes some effort and energy to develop this level of closeness and security. Many of us in our lives have had failed relationships or divorces that have affected our ability to trust and commit ourselves. After all, why would you want to trust someone with your heart after being hurt and let down by a former partner, and who in their right mind would volunteer to be hurt again? So how do we get to that place of safety and security and make ourselves vulnerable with another lover?
Choose wisely
We all have those things that are in our past that we’re not proud of. Keep those in mind when you’re considering a possible mate. What were the deal breakers in your former relationships? Make sure you’re not falling for a type that is answering some question within you. The last thing you need is someone to fix or complete you. Be a whole person on your own and be able to stand on your two feet alone before getting involved with a love match. The same goes for your potential partners.
Never think you’re going to fix or change someone and THEN they’ll be the perfect mate. This is not the way to enter a relationship. You do the work on yourself, then find someone who has done the same. Then you will be well- matched in the beginning.
If you’re spending your energy trying to change someone, you won’t be helping them feel secure. They’ll know you feel they’re not good enough because of the issue you want them to change. You’ve got to be willing to love the person enough to help them feel free to be their authentic self.
Avoid the “my way or the highway” type of person who can’t see two sides of an idea or argument. You and your partner will need to come to thousands of compromises in your time together. Make sure you choose someone that can change their mind and is willing to be wrong.
Maintain objectivity
It’s easy to throw all of our emotional baggage into our relationships. It’s important that you each maintain a level of objectivity that allows you to see what your partner is struggling with and to help them through it. If you’re too reactive, you might miss it altogether. It’s not always about you, so try to take a step back and see what your partner is going through and be the listening ear or strong shoulder to cry on if they need you to be. I love a line in a song that goes like this…”I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine.” We all have baggage it’s just how we handle it that makes the difference.
Keep your standards high
Expect to always give the best of yourself to your loved one, and they should be doing the same. If you know your partner truly is your best friend, this gives you confidence and boldness. Worry and anxiety are reduced because you don’t feel alone in the world. You feel like you’ve got back-up no matter what. If you and your partner are not giving each other the very best of yourself, you need to talk about why. Of everyone in the world, this is YOUR person. They deserve to have it all, given in love without condition. If you and your partner have this at the core of your relationship, you really are blessed, and must feel so secure and safe in this partnership
Take a risk and go all in
When we get down to it, you have to be willing to risk your heart. Go “all-in” and let that person have your love 100%. If you hold back, you can’t feel safe in the relationship. If you and your partner are going to have an authentic and vulnerable relationship, you have to risk being hurt, and you have to do everything you can, be as kind and loving as you can, to let your partner have that safety and security of knowing they’re loved without question. When you do this for each other, feeling safe and secure is a way of living happily ever after.
