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the one

We’re raised to think there is an ideal mate out there, maybe even more than one for every person. Girls are taught that they may have to kiss a lot of frogs to find their prince, their perfect man, their knight in shining armor. The media feeds boys and men an ideal of a perfect woman who not only looks stunning, thin and perfectly made up, but is a “saint in the street and a freak in the sheets.”  Men have to make a ton of money, buy flowers, be romantic and work around the clock supporting their woman, be able to work around the house AND remain emotionally available. If one person doesn’t check all the boxes then they can’t possibly be the right person to commit to forever. It doesn’t take long for us to become jaded and cynical about finding “the one” for us. What’s the reason?  Both men and women often have an impossible standard that they hold their partner to. This idealized version of the perfect mate doesn’t exist. I hate to burst your bubble folks, but there is no perfect man or perfect woman.

It’s time to throw away all of those misconceptions of what society deems the ideal. By disregarding anyone who does not tick off all the boxes for you, you could be missing out on someone who may not be perfect, but may be perfect for you.  We can get into a judgmental mode of superficiality where if someone doesn’t look the part, or isn’t “my type” we don’t even give them a second glance. Sure, physical appearance is part of our attraction, but true and lasting attraction comes from a deeper and more emotional place. So the next time you meet someone, look a little deeper, take the time to get to know them before you decide that they couldn’t possibly be “the one” for you. You may find that your ideal mate is in a slightly different package than you expected to unwrap. The greatest surprises are to be found underneath.

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About the Author:

Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW helps couples to overcome the disconnection in their relationships As an author, blogger and podcaster, Stuart has helped couples around the world to experience a unique relationship in which they can feel special and important, confident in knowing they are loved deeply and that their presence matters. His weekend workshop, Two Days: Seven Conversations has become a popular venue for many to set off on their journey of connectedness. The Couples Expert Podcast consists of weekly provocative conversations offering the perspectives and insight of experts from a variety of relationship related fields. Stuart also offers daily relationship video tips on The Couples Expert YouTube channeland by subscription in Stuart’s Daily Notes. Stuart is happily married and a devoted father of 2 daughters. He lives and works in Scottsdale, Arizona.

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