MARRIAGE COUNSELING: WHAT YOU RISK WHEN YOU'RE NOT AUTHENTIC

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The importance of being authentic in your relationship with your partner cannot be underestimated. If you knew what you risk when you’re not authentic, you might think about it more. My hope is that this article will give you a little insight into what’s at risk, and more importantly, what the rewards are when you have a true and authentic relationship with your partner.

What does it mean to live an authentic life or have an authentic relationship? Authenticity is about being who you are. We all have strengths, weaknesses and insecurities that we tend to keep from most people. The challenge in a relationship is helping yourself be the best you can be and feeling confident that your partner sees you as being the best thing that ever happened to them.

We all have self-doubts and insecurities that get in the way and keep us from believing that our partner is lucky to have us in their life. So often we’ve had experiences and difficulties with family, friends or other relationships that have us thinking we are not good enough to be the kind of husband or wife we want to be. So we end up playing a role. We all have roles; father, mother, brother, worker, employer and these roles begin to define us. Maintaining a role is exhausting and hard to do. We are never allowed to slow down and see ourselves in a positive light. The hope here is that you’ll be able to find someone in your life that can see beyond the roles you play and can see you as gentle kind and considerate . In spite of the past experiences we’ve had in our life, they don’t define us.

If you come from a background of divorce or abuse or if you have not had many positive interactions with others socially, you may be used to playing those roles. Your partner is someone you can believe. You need to believe that they see you and are able to see your heart. Your heart is someone loves them and is happy that the two of you have connected in a deep and vulnerable way. That your partner sees your failings and the things you don’t like about yourself in a gentle way. This means that if you’re someone who is impulsive. That impulsiveness is not seen as a deficiency. It’s seen as something that makes you who you are and your partner is aware that they too have things about themselves that are not as positive as they want it to be.

We hope that we find someone in this world that is accepting of who we are; our positives and our failures. You don’t need to be anyone but you. You don’t have to be better, smarter or richer than anyone else. Who you are as a person is someone that just loves them; that authentic self, that person that they love. That person can see you when you wake up in the morning, and look at you and feel the love and see you as the sexiest thing they’ve ever seen. To accept and know that the two of you have found each other and there’s nothing more than either one of you needs. That’s authenticity. Just having your partner accept you for who you are is the goal. When you both are completely accepting of each other, it makes for a wonderful relationship.

There are risks to you personally, to your partner and to your relationship when you’re inauthentic.

You may be presenting yourself in an inauthentic way to your partner due to some self-doubt and/or fears you have about your own worth or value to your partner. If you show only what you think your partner wants to see from you, you’re creating a barrier to a true connection and an authentic love.

A true authentic relationship is one where you reveal everything to your partner. You’re able to be vulnerable and real with them, and they with you. This is needed to have that deep bond and connection that makes for long lasting love relationships.

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2017-03-27T15:01:26+00:00

About the Author:

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Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW helps couples to overcome the disconnection in their relationships. As an author, blogger and podcaster, Stuart has helped couples around the world to experience a unique relationship in which they can feel special and important, confident in knowing they are loved deeply and that their presence matters. The Couples Expert Podcast consists of weekly provocative conversations offering the perspectives and insight of experts from a variety of relationship related fields. Stuart also offers daily relationship video tips on The Couples Expert YouTube channel and by subscription in Stuart's Daily Notes. Stuart is happily married and a devoted father of 2 daughters. His office practice serves the greater Phoenix, Arizona area including the cities of Scottsdale, Chandler, Tempe, and Mesa.

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