Many of you were in other long-term relationships or married before you met your current partner. Most of the couples I see in my Couples Expert Practice have been in prior relationships that failed for various reasons. Imagine their surprise when they end up in my office for the issue with their current spouse that sounds a great deal like the reason that they broke up with their ex!
It’s not you it’s me
If you’ve ever heard this line you’ve probably thought, “You’re right, it’s you”, but you may have been mistaken. It may be YOU! If you don’t learn the lessons from your previous relationship failures, you may be doomed to repeat them. I see it all the time. Be willing to dissect and analyze the breakups of your past and learn to recognize red flags or patterns that repeat in your current relationship. Did you fix anything that went wrong then? Is it going wrong now? Will you fix it for yourself?
The Doubt Factor
“Once bitten, twice shy” is an old phrase that translates into what I like to refer to as “The Doubt Factor,” This is the insecurity and doubt you feel about whether all this is even worth it. If you’ve had multiple failed relationships, you may doubt if THE ONE is really out there. Maybe you were meant to be alone? Maybe there is no perfect match for you. I call BS on this because I believe just the opposite. You’re not doomed to a life alone IF you’re willing to take some risks, make some changes and to open your heart to true love.
The Good News
You still have a chance to get it right! The person you’re in love with can be your lifelong and lasting love. This can be true even if you might be struggling; if you have doubts, or if you’re facing relationship challenges today. Maybe you think too much water has gone under the bridge and you see each other in a negative light. You may think it’s all beyond repair. I’m here to say that isn’t true. No relationship is too far gone if both of you want to save it. If you and your partner are willing to try, try again, keep trying and stay together, you can succeed. You will only fail if you do not try. Do I sound like Yoda yet?
Can We Make it Work?
If you and your partner can be positive and loving and kind to each other, the answer is yes. Relationship injuries can be repaired and your marriage can become the relationship you’ve always dreamt of. This is THE ONE! If you will be the one for them; it takes both of you wanting it more than anything else in this life.It takes commitment, perseverance, dedication and a lot of patience and kindness to overcome the negative interpretations that we place on our relationships and our partners. You have to stop assuming and start creating your great love story with your partner every day. Your happy ending begins today with you.
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Stuart Fensterheim LCSW helps couples to overcome the disconnection in their relationships As an author, blogger and podcaster, Stuart has helped couples around the world to experience a unique relationship in which they can feel special and important, confident in knowing they are loved deeply and that their presence matters.
His weekend workshop, Two Days: Seven Conversations has become a popular venue for many to set off on their journey of connectedness. The Couples Expert Podcast consists of weekly provocative conversations offering the perspectives and insight of experts from a variety of relationship related fields. Stuart also offers daily relationship video tips on The Couples Expert YouTube channel.
Stuart practices in Scottsdale, Arizona, where he lives with his loving wife of many years, and their therapy dog, Ollie.